Bandhu Banyumasan (6). Nguri-uri basa penginyongan. Serial polahe si Muskhil. Episode: Murid Madhehi.
Maca Gambar
Angger ana murid madhehi, mesthi ana guru sing medhegel. Murid pancen kadang polahe madhehi.
Pak Baldy, kuwe guru. Piyayine madan lemu, caladane, ngelus-elus mbun-mbunane piyambak. Maring Muskhil, kayane madan wadheh, mulane Pak Baldy sok madan ngenyeki, sok nyinyiri. Hehe…
Dina kiye mulang kelase Muskhil. Ngasta laptop. Cag ceg, ngatur kabel. Clorot neng ngarep kelas wis ana gambar sing maen sekang LCD.
“Bocah-bocah, siki bab lingkungan hidup! Gambare desawang sing genah ya. Mengko Pak Guru, takon!” Ngendikane Pak Baldy.
“Nggih, Pak!” Semaure bocah-bocah.
Jebul kon nonton gambar bengkel mobil, ana sumure, slang banyu, ana alang-alang, ana ingon-ingon bebek, terus mburi bengkel ana grumbul wit-witan. Kabeh murid nyawang.
Pak Baldy mung mriksani bocah-bocah karo ngelus-elus mustakane sing alus, ndean pencernaane banget erore, merekna rikmane padha ambrol, dadi kaya ngagem helm separo.
“Wis sepuluh menit. Mandheg! Pak Guru, arep takon ya!”
“Nggih, Pak!”
“Kenangapa, wit-witan kiye, sing neng njaba godhonge abang, sing neng njero, godhonge ijo?” Ngendikane Pak Guru karo nudhingi gambar wit-witan.
“Abang, sebab kebrangas! Kenang srengenge, Pak!” Semaure bocah-bocah.
“Ya bener. Pinter! Sing neng njaba kenang srengenge dadi abang. Sing neng njero, ijo, sebabe aub!”
“Mpun, takdire, Pak!” Muskhil nylemong.
Pak Baldy, paham suarane Muskhil.
Deg. Ana rasa kepengin jengkel. Jorna dhingin! Angger godhong, mesthi deremed temenan. Semaur, takdir! Jian, semaure ora ngelmu banget.
Karo nahan ati medhegel, Pak Baldy, takon maning maring bocah-bocah.
“Siki kenangapa, bebek monine seru?”
“Gulune dawa, gulune dawa!” Semaure bocah-bocah.
Muskhil clemongan maning, “Takdir!”
Gurune, neng batin, “Awas, ko ya! Titeni!”
Urung mangsane ngurusi Muskhil.
Mengko, mengko!!!
“Ya, bener. Pinter! Gulune dawa dadi monine seru, kaya slompretan!”
“Nggih!” Semaure bocah-bocah.
“Siki kenangapa, alang-alang ana sing subur, ana sing padha mati?”
“Sing subur de siram banyu, sing pada mati kesiram oli!’ semaure bocah-bocah.
“Ya, bener! Pinter!” Ngendikane gurune.
Eh, Muskhil clemongan maning, “Takdir!”
Gurune, langsung jengkel, neng batin, “Bocah koh, madhehi, medhegeli pisan!”
Krewes temenan.
Mulane, Pak Baldy banjur, ngendikan seru, mrebawani.
“Muskhil, ko clemongan bae, takdir-takdir bae, medhegeli pisan! Ngeneh! Maju!”
“Nggih, Pak!” Muskhil, maju.
“Kenangapa, ko ngomong takdir, takdir? Matur! Sing seru!”
“Nggih, Pak! Ngaten, Pak!”
Muskhil matur, sopan andap asor, “Niku, bab wit-witan. Mboten mesthi, kenging srengenge niku abrit. Jambune kula, kulite ijo, njerone abang, padhahal sing kenging srengenge niku kulite. Dados kados semangka! Niku takdir, Pak!”
Deg. Dadane gurune, mbut-mbut, nambah banter.
Ana benere, ya!
Pak Baldy, mlongo, bocah-bocah slemengeren.
“Terus!”
“Bab, bebek monine seru. Niku takdir! Mboten mesthi ngaten niku!”
“Bisane?”
“Nika, sawer. Ula seawak, gulu kabeh, nika mboten saged moni. Malah blentung, sing mboten gadhah gulu, monine seru pisan! Niku takdir, Pak!”
Pak Baldy, mlongo, ngelus-elus mustakane sing kinclong, bocah-bocah slemengeren, gumun karo jawabane Muskhil.
“Terus?” Suarane Pak Baldy, madan gemeter, pasuryane molahi madan pucet.
“Bab alang-alang, subur napa mboten niku nggih takdir, mboten sebab kesiram oli, napa desirami toya!”
“Buktine?” Pak Baldy suarane lirih.
Caladane kumat, ngelus-elus mustakane sing kinclong.
“Buktine, Pak Baldy piyambak!”
Semaure Muskhil karo nyawang mustakane Pak Baldy sing kinclong,
“Najan saben dinten, desiram toya, dhong siram, tetep mawon, rikmane Pak Guru, mboten thikil-thikil!”
Bet! Pleng.
Gurune langsung mumet. Pucet. Nafase madan sesek. Astane, uget-uget, gawe kode, Muskhil kon njagong.
“Niku, takdir, Pak!” Clemongane Muskhil karo mlayu.
Nyet. Kabeh meneng.
Pak Baldy tambah mlongo, ngelus-elus mustakane sing kinclong.
Neng batin, “Muskhil, Muskhil, tega ko ya!”
Bocah-bocah dadi tambah slemengeren, karo polahe Muskhil.
Klesak klesik. “Iya, ya. Desirami banyu saben dina, tetep bae rikmane Pak Baldy ora thikil-thikil. Bener Muskhil!
Takdir, sie ya?!”
Maturnuwun
Ngapunten sanget!
Namung lagi kepengin guyonan
Nuwun.
.
Toto Endargo